| Craig and I broke up saunday. I hooked up with brad yesterday and grr... i make myself so mad because i know he doesnt ever want to go out with me but i know he cares but he just wants to use me... and it hurts a lot. |
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| So things defiently have been getting better... i finally have gotten over brad and i seriously can say that im 100% commited to craig... that boy is my world. he bought me a ring and flowers and all this stuff he spoils me too much and he treats me the best ive ever been treated. he listens and cares and i just adore him. he makes me feel special. i love him and then idk... im president of key club! |
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| I feel so grr like all my energy is fighting over so many things- I still feel for brad. i guess its hard to get over but im trying. i really care for craig u could even say i love him. we're compatable and hes that steady river ive been looking for. he kind of completes me but.... i still dream of another but i know that that one was a toxic one for me that just hurt me but its hard cuz i keep thinkin what if and i blame myself. craig is so far away and all i want is him close but hes not. Everything i do seems to be wrong. now i feel like anything i do can never be enough. i do everything wrong. my grades are never high enough- i cant drive completley right- i physically feel like i fail myself- and i feel like everything is wrong. tomorrow is friday night and my plans are to watch greys anatomy and thats it. wow im a cool one. Saturday i take my first act and of course i wont do good enough we're moving dont know where to but i dont know how everything is going to get forewarded... my magazines, my letters. how everythings going to move. where my tv and computer is going to go. it seems like i am not getting along with my parents at all. i dont want a father. i love this room i love this house theres so many memories and now i feel like they're all going to be gone forever. i feel like i fail the world today |
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| it still hurts and sometimes i forget but everywhere i go i'm reminded of him... and sometimes i get really sad and i say that i dont know why... but the reason is... i still wish it was him |
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| so like yeah my birthday sucked most ppl didnt even bother to call me or anything not even a flipping comment on myspace. and so yeah im mad at a lot of ppl now.... but i got to see craig and it just shows who my true friends are and who i can now stop talking to |
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